Way back in December 2012, when I was only halfway through the first draft of THE SERPENT SWORD, I posted a small sample of the novel
here. Well, since then I completed the draft and then made quite a lot of changes in subsequent edits and I thought it might be interesting to compare the same passage in the version of the manuscript that is currently under consideration with publishers.
Have a look at the before and after if you like and let me know what you think. Anything surprise you about decisions I have taken? Are there any bits that you think are significantly better? Or worse? Any comments, don't be shy.
Before you get into reading the sample, just a quick mention about where I am at with the sequel and how the search for a publisher is going.
I am still waiting to hear back from some publishers, so fingers crossed and watch this space. Positive thoughts, everyone!
The sequel to THE SERPENT SWORD, working title, THE CROSS AND THE CURSE, is now at 104,000 words of the first draft. I can see the light at the end of the creative tunnel. I'm looking forward to completing it and then having a break before getting stuck into the edits.
Until then, enjoy the summer and I hope you enjoy this snippet from chapter 3 of THE SERPENT SWORD.
Comments welcome.
Extract from THE SERPENT SWORD
Bassus woke Beobrand the next day before
dawn. Men were readying themselves all around them. Many were vomiting, leaving
steaming puddles dotted throughout the encampment. Bassus handed him his spear
and made sure he was holding his shield correctly. Bassus was wearing his full
armour and in the dark he looked like a giant from a scop's tale.
"Here,
take this." Bassus handed Beobrand a seax. It was short, not much more
than a knife, with a simple bone handle. The single-edged blade shimmered with
the patterns of finely-forged metal. "It doesn't look like much, but it is
a good blade and holds its edge well. Once we are in close, you'll find it more
use than the spear. Your brother gave it to me and it served me well. He would
have wanted you to have it."
Beobrand
thanked him and they walked together towards the edge of the camp. The
shieldwall was forming there. Edwin had taken Bassus' advice and set up camp to
the east of the Mercian and Waelisc host, so that when they attacked, the sun
would be in the eyes of their enemies.
Nearing
the centre of the line, Beobrand saw that Edwin and Osfrid were standing there,
metal-garbed, battle-ready and proud, with their gesithas around them. They
parted and allowed Bassus and Beobrand to take up places in their ranks.
Beobrand
looked along the line. Spears bristled, held aloft, a deadly winter forest.
Armour and weapons jingled. Somewhere a man laughed. A short, wiry man to his
left drew a stone slowly along the length of his seax with a grinding rasp.
Beobrand's whole body thrummed. He could feel his heart pounding in his chest.
Bassus
said in a calm voice, "Easy now, Beobrand. This is your first battle and
you will not be wanting to die in it, so listen to me." Bassus took off
his helmet and Beobrand could just make out the scar running above his left
eye. "Use what I have shown you. If you stick by me, you'll be all right.
And remember, if I get one of their shields down, get in quick and skewer the
bastard."
Beobrand
nodded and turned his attention towards the enemy. Cadwallon's and Penda's
hosts had seen the Northumbrians readying for battle and they were forming
their own shieldwall. They stood in a ragged line at the top of a small rise,
the sky behind them a dark purple. In between the land was flat and boggy. To
the centre of the enemy line Beobrand made out a standard bearing a wolf's head
and several wolves' tails. To the left of that he saw another banner, this one
carried a human skull and a crossbeam from which dangled what appeared to be
human scalps. The men below those standards were lifting up spears, and hefting
shields. Preparing for battle. Preparing to kill.
Smoke
billowed from the campfires behind them, mingling with the ground fog.
Would
one of the men he could see in the dim pre-dawn light kill him soon? He felt
sick all of a sudden and started breathing through his mouth in an effort to
calm his stomach. He closed his eyes and leant his head against the ash haft of
his spear.
Images
from the last six months flooded his mind. Edita's tiny body, swaddled in a
shroud being lowered into the ground. Rheda, sweet Rheda, her hollow eyes
boring into his as he mopped her burning brow with a cool cloth. She tried to
smile for him even then. His mother, shaking with fever, lying on the
straw-stuffed mattress, soaked in sweat, reaching out to clench his hand in a
grip that belied her frailty.
"Don't
stay here, Beobrand!" she had hissed. "You have nothing to bind you
here now. I know you wish to be gone, to seek out your brother. You were meant
for greater things than tilling the land, my son." She had closed her
eyes. Her breathing was so shallow he'd thought her spirit had left.
Then
her eyes had opened again and she had spoken for the final time, summoning all
her strength to say those last words.
"You...are...not...your...father's...son..."
What
had she meant? He would never know. Her breath had left her with a sigh and his
father's bones now lay in the charred remains of his house.
"Wake up, boy!" Bassus' gruff voice
brought Beobrand back to the present. To the battle. To kill or be killed.
All
of his dreams with Octa and Selwyn had come to this. He had taken heed of his
mother's words and left Hithe. His father had confronted him for the last time.
He was a farm boy no longer. He was a warrior in Edwin of Northumbria's
warband.
He
cast a glance at Bassus and the huge warrior flashed his teeth in a grin.
#
The sun was just beginning to peak out over
the trees, shedding a pale light over the battlefield. The Northumbrian
warriors cast long shadows in front of them.
"Come,
my countrymen!" shouted Edwin. "The moment of truth is now upon us.
You have answered my call to the fyrd and stand here shield to shield with your
kinsmen in defence of the land that is ours by right of blood.
"I
am Edwin, son of Aella, direct descendant of Woden. The blood of the old gods
flows in my veins and the new God, the Christ, is on our side. Paulinus has
blessed us in His name and I have promised to build Him a great church when he
grants us victory.
"We
cannot be defeated this day. Together we will send these pagans to hell where
they belong.
"I
will quench my sword's thirst in the blood of these Waelisc and Seaxon
Mercians."
He flourished
his fine battle-blade above his head. It glinted in the dim sunlight.
"Take
up your weapons with me. Guide them with cunning and might.
"Kill
them all! Attack them now and kill every one of them!"
"For
Edwin!" came back the raucous response from the host, Beobrand's voice as
loud as the next man's.
The
shieldwall surged forward. Beobrand felt his shield bang against the man on his
left as they ran. He tried to keep pace and to hold his shield in the right
position. He could hardly believe what was happening; what had been a distant
dream was now vivid reality. And then there was no more time for thinking. The
men around him let fly their javelins with shouts of defiance. At the same
time, the enemy threw theirs. Beobrand had no javelin but he watched as the
light throwing spears were silhouetted against the sky. Those of each side
mingled together at the apex of their flights, and then he could see the
burnished point of one spear glinting as it fell straight towards him.
He
raised his shield above his head and kept running. Something hit the rim of the
shield, but he was not wounded. The man to his left screamed, tripped and fell.
Beobrand caught a glimpse of a javelin piercing the man's right leg just above
the knee. He looked away. The enemy were mere steps away.
The
two shield lines crashed together like waves hitting a cliff. Beobrand's shield
smashed against another. He pulled back, trying to get an opening at the
warrior in front of him. As he did so, he realised it was a mistake. His opponent,
a brutish, red-bearded Waelisc, wearing a leather helm, pushed hard as he
stepped back. Beobrand lost his balance and fell sprawling to the muddy ground.
The Waelisc warrior, smiling at how easily he had broken through the
shieldwall, pulled back his spear for the killing blow. Beobrand tried to rise,
but the Waelisc moved in too quickly for him to get to his feet.
But
at the moment the spear point came hurtling towards Beobrand's exposed chest,
Bassus turned and parried the blow with an over arm swing of his barbed spear.
He swung with such force that the warrior lost his grip. The spear fell
harmlessly to the ground next to Beobrand.
With
practised skill and uncanny agility, Bassus thrust his spear into the Waelisc's
wooden shield. The barbs caught, and Bassus leant on the spear shaft, using his
weight to pull the shield down.
"Now,
boy!" Bassus shouted, struggling to hold on to his spear and avoid the
cleaver-like blade the Waelisc had unsheathed. Beobrand scrambled to his feet.
He snatched up his spear and, letting out a roar that was lost in the tumult of
battle, thrust his spear at the Waelisc's midriff. The man attempted to parry,
but was hampered by his trapped shield. He only succeeded in deflecting the
spear upwards towards his unprotected face. With all Beobrand's weight behind
the thrust the point grazed over the man's right cheekbone and pierced his eye.
He collapsed instantly and the sudden dead weight on his spear pulled Beobrand
down. He stumbled, landing in a heap on the warrior's twitching corpse.
The
anvil sound of metal on metal and the screams and grunts of warriors crashed
around him. He struggled to free his spear from the eye socket of the warrior,
but it was lodged fast. He pulled for a few heartbeats and then remembered the
seax that Bassus had given him. He unsheathed it. It felt natural in his grip
and with abandon, he threw himself into the rift in the shieldwall. He had
killed an enemy and all his fear had vanished like morning dew in the light of
the sun. The noise of battle subsided around him and an inner calm washed over
him.
A
snaggle-toothed man with blood-shot eyes, peeked over a shield in front of him.
Beobrand's seax flicked out over the shield and rammed down the man's throat.
Bassus was screaming beside Beobrand, hacking and slashing with his sword,
splinters from the enemies' shields making a dusty cloud about him. The
Northumbrian line was moving forward. A fallen warrior clawed at Beobrand's
leg, whether friend or foe, Beobrand neither knew nor cared. Battle lust was
upon him and he had no time for the wounded. He stamped on the man's fingers,
feeling them snap under his foot and pushed his shield forward to meet the next
enemy.
The
enemy shieldwall parted and a grey-haired man wearing a fine suit of scale mail
stood before him. He was wielding a blood-drenched sword and there was a pile
of corpses at his feet. Beobrand thought not of the danger. He saw a gap in the
line and walked forward to fill it. The old warrior looked surprised and almost
saddened as Beobrand, with no armour and only a splintered shield and short
seax for protection, walked towards him.
Something
in the warrior's grim features penetrated through the red mist that had
descended on Beobrand. He looked around to see where Bassus and the other
Northumbrians were, searching for aid against this mighty warrior. Too late he
saw that he had become cut off from his shieldwall. The tide of the battle had
shifted and the Mercians and Waelisc had outflanked the Northumbrians. Edwin's
host had fallen back towards the encampment, leaving Beobrand stranded and
surrounded by enemies.
END OF EXTRACT
The Scarlet Thief by Paul Fraser Collard
